


Sans Studies

by Agraulis_vanillae



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Allergies, Alternate Universe - Underfell, Alternate Universe - Underswap, Anabolic Steroids, Biochemistry, Drugs, For Science!, Gen, Mutagens, Mutation, OH YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY SO IN A TAG? WHAT'S A TAG FOR THEN?, Reader-Interactive, References to Addiction, References to Drugs, References to Major Sports Events, Sans-centric, Sarcastic Sans, Science, Studying, THE GREAT PAPYRUS SAYS HI, THE MARVELOUS SANS WOULD LIKE TO SIGN ON, Underfell Papyrus, Underfell Sans, Underswap Papyrus, Underswap Sans, bro thats not how tags work, food additives, immune system, sans was here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-05-31 04:23:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6455695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agraulis_vanillae/pseuds/Agraulis_vanillae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sans studies life sciences with me. This is based off my actual school studies, and is Reader Interactive. Suggest topics and come learn with us!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sans Studies Biochemistry

*so... what are we doing again?

Sans looks to me, we're surrounded by school notes, textbooks, and blank notebooks on top of my bunk bed. The lime green comforter is shoved up against the wall and draped over pillows for back support. Dual mugs of coconut green tea perch on the small rectangular window sill, and the blinds are rolled up to show the parking lot and empty day care outside the apartment. I shrug. “I'm indulging in the somewhat uncomfortable experience of crunching my school studies with my writing, and forcing you here as clickbait.”

*oh. does that mean I get to sleep?

For someone who's invested the time and energy to learn quantum physics, Sans looks incredibly uninterested in the subject matter. I narrow my eyes at him. “Frig no, you're here to keep the readers interested in whatever subject I pick.”

*i'm patella-n' ya pal, this ain't gonna end well

“It never does,” I sigh. “So dear readers, we are going to learn about biochemistry because that is the subject that I am the most deficient in, for attention span and my understanding. Sans, dig in the pillowcase over there will ya? Pick 2.”

Sans leans over to the pillow that I've stuffed full of test topics.

*first off is... what is an anaplerotic reaction? What is an example of an anaplerotic reaction?

“Oh good, I actually vaguely remember this one,” I recall. “Joining reactions together in order to make an unfavorable reaction proceed across a pathway. I'm pretty sure insulin's involved at some point...”

*you're right, you suck at this.

Sans easily pages to the right part of the textbook, and reads aloud,

*the krebs cycle fuels a skeleTON of biosynthetic processes, and in turn, other reactions in the cell fills up the intermediates in the krebs cycle. therefore, anaplerotic reactions are “filling up” reactions.

I groan, “Does any of that even make sense to you?”

*buddy, i'm not the one who's looking to pass. what does that mean to you?

“Well... if I break down the parts of the word, it sounds similar to anabolism. That's the process of making products at an energy cost, right? If that's the case, could cataplerotic be a word for breaking down products for energy?”

*that's not a question, you totally googled that just now

“Don't shame me for using the internet to learn,” I stick my tongue out at him. “It causes most of my studying problems, so it should be responsible for solving them.”

*you still haven't given me a good example of what those reactions are. i'm sure the readers would appreciate you explaining it as well.

“Erm...”

*that doesn't sound very well explained.

“I think we need some background information before any of these words make sense to anyone... maybe some pictures too,” I scramble. “I'm going to draw out an overview of the Krebs cycle, which is also known as the tricarboxylic cycle or even the citric acid cycle. Actually, just calling it so many different names trip me up...”

“So, ATP, the molecule that all organisms use for producing energy, does a lot in the cell. One of these things is involved with one of the entry proteins on the cellular surface, a potassium ion channel. When there's a lot of ATP present in the cell, the potassium ion channel is activated and this triggers insulin release,” I read the book for help. This really isn't my best subject at all.

*hey, the books that fell underground weren't exactly in the best condition... so what the hell is insulin? trust me, you won't be insultin' me by explaining. for monsters, metabolism is literally just magic

“I can't tell if that qualifies as a pun or just a play on words...” I think hard. “Insulin is... well, it is a chemical secreted when the enzymes in the liver called glucokinase hits maximum capacity processing sugar. So insulin would be like Papyrus getting Undyne when the Royal Guard gets overwhelmed.”

*all right... so what's the chemical equivalent to undyne in this situation?

“Shoooot...” I click through the internet while Sans nods off. Papyrus peeks in the room.

“HOW IS STUDYING WITH SANS? HAS THE LAZY BONES LEARNED THE SECRETS TO HUMAN METABOLISM?!”

“Papyrus, its literally just been- oh... an hour. We're still on anaplerotic reactions,” I stare at the clock. “Hey, why are you up? Its normal for Sans and I to be up at 1 AM.”

“SOME OF MY ATTACKS ARE MISSING, I THINK THE ANNOYING DOG'S BEEN IN MY ROOM AGAIN!!!” Papyrus yelled in frustration, and Sans jolts up.

*did I miss it?

“Huh?” I give him an odd look. “Miss what?”

*the annoying dog is already gone huh?

“YES SANS, YES. YOU MISSED YOUR OPPORTUNITY FOR PLAGUING MY LIFE WITH INCIDENTAL MUSIC,” Papyrus narrowed his eye sockets at him. “AND ON TOP OF THAT YOUR LAZINESS IS SHOWING! YOU'RE STILL ON THE FIRST TOPIC?!”

*yup. how's chemical undyne going?

“So chemical version of Undyne is pyruvate dehydrogenase phosphorylase. Its a mouthful, but breaking down the language, that's an enzyme that activated another enzyme called pyruvate dehydrogenase by removing a phosphate bond from the enzyme. Then, pyruvate hydrogenase acts on pyruvate which is the end product in glycolysis. Glycolysis is a pathway that breaks down glucose using glucokinase as well as a bunch of other enzymes. To keep this explanation simple, glycolysis produces pyruvate, which is then converted to a chemical used in the citric cycle called acetyl coenzyme A.”

I stop shortly, with both Sans and Papyrus staring at me blankly. “That... didn't make any damn sense did it?”

“NYEH HEH...HEH..?” Papyrus retreats in a panic. “I'LL LEAVE YOU TO YOUR NERD STUDIES!!!”

*maybe you ought to draw this one out.

“Okay...” I focus on keeping the image simple and my handwriting non-shitty. “Better?”

*better than wall of text. It looks like pyruvate dehydrogenase would be king fluffybuns then, in the chain of command. what does this have to do with filling reactions again?

“I sooo want to turn the phrase “filling reactions” into a dirty joke,” I say aloud wistfully.

*don't make it weird, just answer the question

“O-oops, right...” I try my best to ignore Sans' best impression of a glare. “So that covers some of the pyruvate product, the rest of the pyruvate made by glycolysis is eaten up by pyruvate decarboxylase, another enzyme which converts pyruvate to oxaloacetate. Oxaloacetate can be used in gluconeogenesis, which translates literally to “making new glucose”, but under these circumstances oxaloacetate would be used for a whole other metabolic mess we like to call the malate cycle. That cycle then produces other intermediate products which apparently will also promote the production of insulin.”

*okay. so if i'm hearing you correctly, these different cycles in human metabolism are used to make insulin which promotes these reactions to happen even more?

“Yeah, insulin doesn't make anything! It's just a chemical messenger. So that becomes a problem when your body adapts to a certain level of insulin being secreted. If you get used to heightened amounts of insulin being secreted at any given time, then those levels of insulin becomes your body's new normal and you tend to ignore much lower levels than normal. This is what diabetes is about, or at least certain types,” I nod more to myself than to Sans. Learning is actually happening.

*right, well maybe we should keep topic 2 short so I can go nap at some point tonight. What organisms use the glyoxylate cycle, and what for?

“So... according to the book, yeast and algae use this cycle. Apparently certain plants use this too, like peanuts and soybeans.

*soy-tainly. but why do they use it?

“Why Sans. Why must you pun at this time of night?” I groan.

*you're the one who needed someone to keep the audience entertained.

“I acknowledge the terribleness of my idea, but this question and answer format is actually helping me focus,” I'm yawning now. Its gotten pretty late from all of the times I've looked up information and Sans is faring no better. “This cycle is important for producing energy when plants can't use photosynthesis. It uses acetyl coenzyme A and oxaloacetate that we mentioned earlier to produce reactions almost identical to the citric cycle only to produce glyoxylate instead. That might actually explain Flowey and the golden flowers...”

*...

“... you're asleep, aren't you?”


	2. Sans Studies the Immune System

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So as per requested from last chapter, this goes over the immune system with the goal of underlining what an allergic reaction is, and how it's counteracted.

*gotta hand it to ya, for someone who's story received the least views, you're pretty determined to keep doing this.

Sans watches me organize information in the corner of his eyesockets, idly playing with a whoopee cushion. There's no doubts in my mind that someone was going to sit on the rubbery farting landmine before this study session ended, but there's not much that can be done. Sans will be Sans, after all. If anything, the second I tried to stop him, he'd just agree and then booby trap the whole house just when I wasn't looking.

"Well, we got a question from our audience from the last chapter so you and I are going to answer it," I explain. "Our question is essentially just to explain some of the nitty gritties of the human allergic reaction."

*oh right. i think one of the temmies are allergic to humans.

Nodding, I chuckle, "Hoives!"

Then I pause and look at Sans curiously, "Although I kiiinda wonder how monsters can have allergies if they're made of magic?"

Sans pats me on the back, with the whoopee cushion still in hand so that each pat farts a little, *you just answered your own question, buddy.

I have to resist rolling my eyes, "Magic?"

*magic.

"All right dork bone-"

*ew

"-let's start at the beginning and lay out the foundation for getting what an allergic reaction really is- which is a disorder of the immune system," I lay out some old class notes and pull up a couple of websites. "I'm going to kinda follow along with how my teachers introduced the topic since it's kind of a long story. However! Here's the breakdown."

"There are two kinds of immune responses, which is the Innate Immunity and the Adaptive Immunity," I hold up two fingers accordingly. "Sans, can you tell the difference between the two simply by name?"

*adaptive is easy enough to guess at, it's probably learned somehow, right?

Sans seems to actually think a little as I fold over one finger, and then shrugs, *dunno what innate means. lay it on me, will ya?

"So the word "innate" means inborn or natural, with the connotations of being instinctive," I tell him, and then underline both terms in a list. He begins to inflate a giant whoopee cushion, and I have to work to ignore it. It looks like it's almost as big as Sans is. "The allergic reaction is part of the adaptive immune response, but let's go over the innate response really quick so that you've got a way to compare and contrast the two."

*okay, so the innate response is..?

"First, it is natural and so it is "non-specific". It will attack all intruders, and essentially using the same process. Any variation from individual to individual can be attributed to genetic origin. An example of this is something that you and Papyrus is very obviously missing- skin and mucosal surfaces like snot or tears from the eyes,"

*hey, skeletons can cry. papyrus did.

"SANS!!! I DID NOT!!!" Papyrus' booming voice shrieks indignantly from the living room. "I JUST GOT SOMETHING IN MY EYESOCKET!!!"

I shake my head, trying not to laugh, "Let's just mark Papyrus apparently breaking physiological barriers to express himself as an exception, and establish that having undamaged skin is really important. Microbes can't get in unless there's an opening like a cut or a puncture. The obvious gaps in the skin such as our eyes, nose, and the genitalia are protected through other means such as mucus, acidity, or an enzyme called "lysozyme". If you break down the language for the word, 'lys-' means to break and '-ozyme' just refers to the fact that it's an enzyme."

Sans adds coyly, *so getting under your skin is-

"-an expression to mean that you've literally penetrated the first line of defense, in your case, overusing skeleton puns," I roll my eyes. "Fortunately, it takes a lot more than that to break the innate immune defense, or you'd be unstoppable as a microbe. Speaking of, it might be worth mentioning that humans actually rely quite a bit on their own natural body "flora" or community of microbes to prevent harmful microbes from moving in."

Sans shakes his head and then tosses the giant whoopee cushion off the bunk, along with a blanket to cover it up. The result is conspicuous to say the least. *and i thought i was lazy.

"Hey, you don't hear them complaining," I shrug. "And by the way, you better hope it's not Undyne that comes walking in next, I can't afford repairing the apartment from the aftermath of your shenanigans."

*you're getting off track, now.

I give him the stink eye, but continue anyway. "If you ignore the massive amount of bacteria, cells in the human body involved in innate defense are phagocytes, natural killer cells, and dendritic cells. Phagocytes means "eater cells" and is sort of an umbrella term for a bunch of different cells such as macrophages, and neutrophils. If you operated on a biological basis Sans, you'd actually be able to produce these seeing that macrophages develop from monocytes. Those start out from the marrow as promonocytes."

*what about natural killer cells?

"That's just a really cool name for a cell that goes around attacking cancer cells and virally infected cells," I explain, "And dendritic cells are named after nerve cell dendrites, but what you really need to get out of it that they have this branched appearance and are used for presenting antigens to T Helper cells for destruction."

Sans notes, *you didn't mention T helper cells before. what's their role?

"Actually, those are part of the Adaptive Immune System, officially and almost seamlessly transitioning us into that particular domain," I fist pump the air, "Hooray for convenient cooperation between the two systems."

"HUMAN, SANS I HAVE BROUGHT STUDY FUEL IN THE FORM OF CHEF PAPYRUS'S ULTIMATE SPAGHETTI!!"

"Thanks bro," we both intone, before Papyrus steps on the giant whoopee cushion in the process of handing us the latest 'masterpiece'. 

PTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTT!!!

He narrows his eyesockets at Sans who's struggling to keep a straight face.

*man, paps, you really ought to cut the CHEESE from the 'sghetti.

We only have moments to duck before the cushion is thrown against the wall behind us, and flops down with another unceremonious "PHHTHHHT".

"As... I was saying..." I try to continue, but Sans 'took a shortcut' and disappeared from the perch on the bunk bed. "Hm... well. Looks like we're on a spaghetti break after all. Bee ar bee folks!

~  
~  
~

"Never again..." I groan. "I mean, that certainly pushed the limits of what qualifies as edible."

*don't be such a baby, Frisk ate the earlier versions of Papyrus's spaghetti with only a little bit of trouble. 

"Sans, if monsters were above ground, Alaskan Baked styled ground pork sausage would almost certainly constitute child endangerment," I say sternly before I guzzle an entire water bottle without stopping to breathe. "I swear to god, next episode of this is going to be 'Papyrus Studies Physics and How it Relates to Cooking'."

*well, how about you relate surviving potential food poisoning to adaptive immunity?

"OH! Right, we're in the middle of that. All right, so you can split Adaptive Immunity into 'Cell-Mediated Immunity' and 'Humoral Immunity'."

"Cell Mediated Immunity begins after the macrophages process an antigen and then display it on the surface of the cell wall. This helps with T cells recognizing antigens and targeting them for destruction. T cells can be divided into Cytotoxic T cells, Helper T cells, and Memory T cells,"

To his credit, Sans nods along instead of getting distracted with another whoopee cushion, *as suggestive as those names are, maybe you ought to help me understand what they actually do. 

"Cytotoxic T cells lyse cells, but Helper T cells organizes and directs the immune response by getting T and B cells to grow while encouraging macrophages to attack microbes. Memory T cells 'learns' what the pathogens are so that the pathogens are recognized and dispatched of properly in the future. So the Helper T cells are kind of the Captain of this defense while Cytotoxic T cells act more like the Brute classes and Memory T cells are like Scouts in games," I idly doodle on the notebook. "Honestly, Left 4 Dead is starting to sound good now. Think I can sneak the game past Toriel and play with Frisk?"

He chuckles ominously *it's your funeral Nilla.

Thinking on it, as cool as Toriel is about a lot of things, sneaking violent video games was bound to get a fireball thrown in my general direction. I slowly shake my head, "Okay, dumb question. I'll check with Undyne or Alphys later, let's keep going and get to the meat of the question."

"Humoral Immunity can be derived to a historical viewpoint of the immune system-"

Sans has a look that clearly says that he's already tuned out. I have to poke him back to reality, "Don't tell me you're stuck on the 'humoral' part." 

*buddy, pal, i'm a punny guy. i can't ignore a humorous opportunity to expand my wordplay.

"Fine, just use the your newfound wordplay powers responsibly," I sigh.

The corners of his eye sockets are pushed up with mirth, *absolutely not.

"MOVING ON!" I announce before he can get us sidetracked again. "Humoral immunity is where we actually get into answering what happens during an allergic reaction. The historical context described immunity as the four humors, yellow bile, black bile, blood, and phlegm-"

*oh man, undyne would absolutely love that. has she mentioned her puzzle ideas?

I shrug, "In passing, sounds like playing HORSE but with voluntary vomiting in place of a basketball."

*you're not wrong.

I cringe, "Oh... that was supposed to be a joke. Anyways, the idea is often attributed to Hippocrates from whom we also get the medical 'Hippocratic oath' from. That's pretty old stuff though, so even if it's kind of interesting, it's basically all wrong. That's the origin of the terminology though."

Thoughtfully, Sans mentions, *some of the old human books that fell down actually mentioned something like that. the pages were stuck together though, so alphys and i couldn't get much out of it.

"Huh, I was wondering about that, since all you guys get under Mt. Ebott is trash and cast off culture. That might've been for the best given all sorts of weird old theories and pseudoscience," I muse off-handedly. "Currently, Humoral Immunity can be described as the formation of antibodies called immunoglobulins, Ig for short. They come from the B cells that go through a process called 'clonal selection'. The job of the differentiated Igs are to take out antigens through a few different processes."

*lay Ig on me.

I raise a finger in automatic protest of the pun and then slowly lower it again, shaking my head as Sans smirks in victory, "Not worth it... so Igs will attach to antigens to cause lysis, neutralize surface proteins to keep them from attaching to any other substrate, clumping around them, or somehow causing the proteins to solidify or precipitate in solution. So let's talk about the different kinds of Igs."

"There's IgG, IgA, IgM, IgD, and IgE. Of those Igs, IgE is responsible for the allergic reaction. According to the source I'm using here, IgE makes up a shocking 0.002% of the Igs? That being said, considering the role IgE plays in autoimmune problems like allergies, that might be a good thing. See, you don't START being allergic to something" 

He seems intrigued, *you don't?

"Nope! After all, this is ADAPTIVE immunity. Everything we talk about, you have to be exposed to before these cells are produced. So in "Undertale" you might be able to suggest that the Temmie that's allergic to humans, have already met one previously! Heh, but that might be putting more thought into it than the original creator did."

*i'm going to pretend you didn't just sound like the homicidal flower just now.

I nod nervously, "That's probably for the best, I'm pretty sure there is such a thing as 'too much self awareness'. So when you're first exposed to an allergen, the human body produces a ton of IgE in response. So the next time someone with this massive amount of prepped IgE is exposed, an allergic reaction is triggered."

*okay, but what is an allergic reaction? what is happening exactly?

"Okay, so there is one more cell I don't think I introduced properly- and that's 'mast cells'. These are what IgE bind to in the presence of the allergens. Mast cells then dump a chemical called 'histamine' in your blood stream,"

*so you might be able to say then, that the mast cells are raising a hissy-tamine fit? eh?

I shake my hand in a 'so-so' gesture and continue, "Something like that... histamine is a vasodilator. Too break that down, 'vaso-' has to do with your veins, and '-dilator' means that it's an agent that opens. So that just means that histamine increases a rush of blood to the affected area and since this is present anywhere you have veins, this results in a laundry list of symptoms."

*hoi- i mean hives.

"Yeah it is strangely hard to get out of Temmie speak once you start..." I muse. "Hives is one thing, but also itchiness, swelling, increased heat and mucus production, stomach cramps, and wheezing if the reaction is in the lungs. So we employ a drugs appropriately though blandly named 'antihistamines', and all those do is block up the receptors that recognize histamine to prevent further reactions. You don't really 'cure' allergies since the attack is coming from your own body after all,"

*and this can kill you? seems ironic.

"Yeah, I think most people at this point know about anaphylactic shock, but since most of this is news to you Sans-"

*gee thanks.

"- anaphylactic shock involves problems the swelling of tissues such as around the throat so someone can't breathe, and/or a dramatic drop in blood pressure. So whereas antihistamines are one set of drugs used for the average allergic reaction, someone going through anaphylactic shock will need a drug called 'epinephrine' which comes in a form normally called an 'epi-pen'. That forces the heart to keep pumping by stimulating the production of adrenaline." I finish, despite the sarcasm in Sans tone. "Are you done being an ass about this?"

Sans responds with *that depends. you done?

I think it over, "Actually, I think so."

A wink from him, *great, i've got a show tonight. trust me, it'll be a real heart-stopper heh.

"I can only hope you mean at the comedy club and nothing life threatening..." I eye him warily.

*no promises.

And with that Sans shortcuts out of the room. Maybe I need a different study partner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So whereas it doesn't take me long to pull up the right sources, it does take me a little while to figure out how to write the appropriate response so I'd like to request you plan accordingly with your asks! Here's the three sources I used to help me keep track of all the terminology and the details of the immune system.  
> http://uhaweb.hartford.edu/bugl/immune.htm  
> http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/healthlibrary/conditions/allergy_and_asthma/allergies_and_the_immune_system_85,P00039/  
> http://www.michiganallergy.com/food_and_histamine.shtml  
> Please continue your support and be sure to ask questions! This is kind of fun. Also, if you find conflicting information with something I say, be sure to speak up! After all, in order to get a chapter up, I may miss something important and I would like to remain as accurate as possible for everyone involved.


	3. Skelebros Studies Food Additives and Mutagens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turns out, Papyrus makes a terrible study buddy.

I glance around the grocery store, when Papyrus dumps something in the shopping cart. Normally, I'd just let it go, but I had to be honest,

“Papyrus, why are you buying artificial sweeteners? They taste terrible.”

“I HEARD THEY WERE A HEALTHIER ALTERNATIVE TO SUGAR, BESIDES THEY DON'T TASTE THAT BAD,” Papyrus frowned. Fortunately, it appeared his feelings weren't hurt. 

“Eh,” I hedged, screwing up my face in a way that showed I disagreed. “That's highly dubious. You may not be absorbing calories, but to borrow a line, 'the cure may be worse than the disease'.”

He looked at me, more than a tad confused, “I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS!.. DON'T GET IT.”

“I actually have to do a Study with Sans about this a little later,” I mused, “So maybe you should stick around.”

“WHAT! NO!” Papyrus gave an exaggerated display of horror. “ALL YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT IS SCIENCE!”

“Tell you what,” I bargain. “Tomorrow we'll cook spaghetti, then ravioli, then lasagna.”

“BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COOK LASAGNA..?” he said, eyes narrowing at me as if suspicious.

“I know,” I give him one of my lopsided grins. “I'm teaching you something you like in exchange for teaching you something you don't like.”

“DEAL!”

~

*so how long should I stay out of the kitchen?

Sans questions as soon as he sees Papyrus lingering for the Study session. He has a wry grin today, well aware that kitchen time bribes tended to lead to my rarely seen inner kitchen Nazi.

I flash him three fingers as I continue to pull up the right resources, “The unit is days. All right, so here's my answer to our latest anon and your own question Papyrus.”

“Can food additives such as artificial sweeteners aspartame and cyclamate cause brain damage?”

“WHAT!!! NO WONDER YOU DIDN'T WANT TO GET A LOW CALORIE SWEETENER! HOW SCARY?!” Papyrus yells right away. Oh boy, now I remember why I don't usually want him sitting in on these things.

“Relax! I didn't say that they actually did, that's just the question,” I attempt to calm him down. “Which by the way, as far as I can tell, the answer is no.”

Before Papyrus could respond, Sans intervenes, *not to sour the mood, but that's not exactly the end of the story, is it?

“Obviously, or this would be really freakin' short,” I nod. “Looks like one of my textbooks are finally coming into use after all. Fortunately, neither of you have to read the hot mess which is poor grammar-”

*like you have room to talk.

“Shush! If someone's going to make me buy an etextbook for a hundred something dollars and their editor DOESN'T catch every spelling error, then I reserve the right to bitch,” I retort, watching Sans roll his eyelights before settling down for what seems like a long ride. “In any case, on some quickie research, the only website I could find that wasn't pandering to some alarmist agenda was an old research article from NCBI.”

“That article was from 1987, and it simply posed the question of whether aspartame COULD cause an elevation of brain phenylalanine which would then cause a neurological reaction. To break down what phenylalanine is, that's just one of your essential amino acids which you cannot produce on your own. So when you look up aspartame, beware of websites talking about phenylalanine as if it's a neurotoxin. The only danger it might pose if you have a rare disorder called phenylketonuria or PKU.”

“DISORDER?” Papyrus questions. “DO YOU HAVE IT?”

“Haha nooo that disorder is, at least in the U.S., something like 1 in 10,000 to 20,000,” I laugh sardonically. “Besides, lets pretend for a second that people decided to go on a phenylalanine free diet like how regular people decide to arbitrarily cut gluten out from their diet. This means no meat, no beans, no tofu, no nuts, and so forth. It's an AMINO ACID which is building block of protein. So good luck with it, and I don't think anyone would recommend it for someone who doesn't have PKU.”

“That being said, there do appear to be some reports of people feeling sick from aspartame, so if you take it on account of individual sensitivity, it's not all that crazy to be concerned about eating too much of it,” I shrug.

*so aspartame does not equal brain damage. how about cyclamate?

“Currently, cyclamate is...” I check the FDA webpage. “...not allowed for use in the lovely U.S.A. as of 2014. It's approved for use in plenty of other countries though. As for the cited reason, I've found nothing at all mentioning brain damage, but it is banned for concerns of being a cancer causing agent based on an old study in 1969. Well, that was done in rats.”

*only one mousy little study?

Sans grins as Papyrus gives him the stink eye. He grumbled, “THAT WAS A STRETCH,” 

“Well, not irrelevant though...” I muse. “Further research done later shows that it doesn't cause cancer in humans. FDA these days just hasn't gotten around to letting it back in the U.S. So cyclamate probably isn't so bad either.”

“SO THERE ISN'T A HUGE RISK ASSOCIATED WITH ANY ARTIFICIAL SWEETENERS,” Papyrus huffs impatiently at me. “SO YOU'RE JUST PICKY!”

“Well, yes. I honestly do prefer just normal sugar,” I concede before refuting, “Buuut I have one more thing I wanted to mention about artificial sweeteners- saccharin which incidentally is derived from the word 'saccharine'.”

“Just like cyclamate, saccharin was shown to cause bladder cancer in rats. However, despite arguments that an impurity also present in the sweetener was the carcinogen, it was pretty well proven that saccharin is the culprit and thus a potential human carcinogen,” I pause suddenly while reading, and then cock my head. “This seems really backwards actually. GG, FDA.”

*what is it? 

Papyrus leans over my shoulder to read, “SACCHARIN IS STILL ALLOWED IN THE UNITED STATES DUE TO PUBLIC OUTCRY..?”

“... But cyclamate is the one banned. Admittedly, the rats were fed an obscene amount of saccharin just to get those results,” I shake my head. “It's still pretty weird, but that's government regulation for you.”

I stand up and stretch, “Welp, this is leaving a bad taste in my mouth. How about we do a spaghetti break?”

Sans claps once, looking unusually excited as Papyrus gives an unusual groan of exasperation. I look at one to the other, trying to figure it out. Is this Underswap day? I hope not, I'm not prepared for having a hyperactive Sans in my life.

Perturbed, I ask, “What?” 

*you said bad taste

Oh god, Sans is grinning earhole to earhole, *i'm so proud

“Yeah, why are you-” then like a frisbee, it hits me. “Oh... geez.”

With an unholy screech, Papyrus yells “THE PUNS ARE CARCINOGENIC!!!”

“Papyrus, I don't think that word means what you think it means. That's not interchangeable with 'contagious' y'know...” I scold lightly.

~

*huh, who knew water could burn? 

Sans snickered as I throw myself on the bed gracelessly. *personally, i thought that was impastable.

“Shuddup, I can't multi-task keeping the marinara celery-free and keep an eye on BOTH of you!” I groaned. “Don't think I don't know it was you that handed Papyrus my microtorch which BY THE WAY KEEP MY JEWELRY WORKBENCH OUT OF YOUR PRANKS!!!”

*aren't you the littlest bit curious about how the water caught fire?

Begrudgingly, I snort, “Greek fire, duh. My question is, what were you watching that Greek fire was mentioned?”

*mythbusters.

“You would...” I grumble. “And then you promptly forget the part where you're not supposed to do that at home.”

*had to be done

“Okay okay, but since I let Pappy off the hook, you're extra stuck for double-duty Study,” I threaten uselessly. Not much of a threat when he's stuck with me until it's done after all. “So at this point, you've probably heard the word 'mutation' like a thousand times.”

*probably closer to a million, but hey. i lost track after about ten.

“Yeah, well a mutation is essentially any change that occurs in the DNA of an organism,” I explain. “An agent that causes mutation is called a mutagen.”

*i see mutagen and carcinogen used almost interchangeably, so what's the difference?

“There's actually a fairly important distinction. A carcinogen, is something that causes cancer through mutation, but a mutagen just causes any change in DNA. In other words, those changes are NOT necessarily cancer-causing. For instance, not every change occurs in a gene, which by definition is a unit of DNA that codes for some sort of product,” I recite.

*you're not even looking this up anymore. weirdo.

Despite the apparent insult, Sans seems impressed. Well, that or he's planning on another prank. Regardless, I decide to ignore him and continue on, “There are four different base pairs in DNA to remember, and that is Adenine, Guanine, Cytosine, and Thymine. Adenine and Guanine are Purines, whereas Cytosine and Thymine are Pyrimidines. RNA is only different to where instead of utilizing thymine, it contains Uracil. Theoretically, DNA has thymine instead of uracil for the cellular machinery to safeguard against mutation because cytosine tends to 'deaminate' and change into uracil. So by using thymine, the cell can recognize the site of cytosine mutation more easily.”

*it's getting really eerie how you're not relying on the internet for this one.

“Listen, other than that last factoid I added in, this is what you call 'baby bones' stuff,” I respond. “So there are three different types of mutation- Insertion is where new base pairs are added in between the original ones. Deletion is when base pairs are deleted. Substitution is when the original base pairs are changed to a different set of bases.”

*just to cover our bases-

“You got that from my club T-shirt,” I say accusingly, he looks to the side elusively.

*i'm sure i don't know what you're talking about. but anyways, how do you know when something is a mutagen?

“That's called the Ames test,” I answer automatically. “You create a bacterial 'lawn' or coat bacteria on an agar plate lacking 'histidine', one of the amino acids. Typically, Salmonella typhimerium is used. These bacteria have already been mutated so that they can't produce histidine.”

*you use pre-mutated bacteria for a test that requires mutation? doesn't that seem counterproductive?

Sans is looking at me oddly. Impatiently, I grab some scrap paper and scribble on it. “Save the skepticism- just think about your blue stop sign. In the beginning of the experiment, these bacteria CANNOT produce histidine, and therefore CANNOT survive.”

*ok.

“So you would expect nothing to grow, right?”

*...right.

“So what is your conclusion, if your suspected mutagen is soaked into a piece of paper, placed in the middle of the plate, and bacteria begin growing around that chemical?” I prompt. Slowly, he begins to nod.

*ahhh... they're producing histidine again?

“Right, so that is the result of a 'back mutation', as it's commonly referred to. It really just means that the bacteria mutated back into a wild type state. So that is a 'positive' result for the presence of a mutagen. If nothing ever grows, that is a negative result for your chemical being a mutagen.”

*so, would it be reasonable to assume that the bacterial pattern of growth would be thickest near the chemical mutagen in a positive result?

“Yeah, if you just get a whole dish full of bacteria all the way to the edges, I'd recommend checking your bacterial stock to make sure it isn't already producing histidine on its own,” in a moment of 'duh!' I nearly hit myself. Sans is amused rather than concerned.

*what weird thing are you about to lay on everyone?

“Hey, this is important!” I protest. “So what if you get a chemical that doesn't START as a mutagen, but gets metabolized and converted into a different chemical that is a mutagen in the body? How would you test for that possibility?”

*heh, you should ask papyrus. he loves puzzles.

“You and I know he's 100% thrilled not to have to listen to this, I want an answer from you,” I cross my arms sternly. “Here, I'm gonna make a cup of tea and come back-”

*no need. You have to put the chemical and bacteria into that environment, right?

“Right. I'm going to test your knowledge of human anatomy- where do metabolites go to be processed?”

*the liver, right? so you grow it... on a liver?

“Pretty close, but that sounds kind of weird and mad science-y. No, a blended liver extract is added to the dish. That way, you can simulate the enzymes processing the chemical in real time and test for that process. It is important to keep in mind that since a mutagen isn't necessarily a carcinogen, this test doesn't confirm a substance as a carcinogen, but it is an important first step!” I chew on my lip,   
“Oh right, and then of course you always have your control plate. Theoretically, nothing should grow on it, but it's not impossible to have a couple bacteria that mutate bac- ojhfoidfgbbovbebjfndgbjfdkbgjkv  
/,slbskbnsfdbf/  
h;fhgjfd-PAPS-fbgfdjgb

“NYEH HEH HEH THIS ENDING HAS BEEN COMMANDEERED BY THE GREAT PAPYRUS WHO HAS RESCUED YOU FROM THE RELENTLESS NERDING! BE FREE READERS!!!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *heh, sorry about that. we were up pretty late on that last bit so papyrus got impatient waiting for his bedtime story. remember, nilla appreciates your interest and is open to answering questions. the last link includes a picture of the ames test, for the visual learners.
> 
> http://npkua.org/Education/About-PKU  
> http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1474447/  
> http://www.fda.gov/food/ingredientspackaginglabeling/foodadditivesingredients/ucm397716.htm  
> http://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/causes-prevention/risk/diet/artificial-sweeteners-fact-sheet  
> http://www.genetics-gsa.org/education/pdf/GSA_DeStasio_Ames_Student_Resources.pdf  
> https://online.science.psu.edu/micrb106_wd/node/6162


	4. UnderFell Sans Studies Drugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans bails, but Alphys gets him back. Sort of.
> 
> Also, the Study session where a WHOLE LOTTA CRAZY COMES TO VISIT!

I wave to everyone, “All right ladies and gents, I finally got back my laptop from the skelebros! And then Underfell happened in one of the other stories so things got busy... speaking of- SANS!”

*what br- oh it's just you.

I look in the direction his voice is coming from with my head cocked, “Did you just call me bro?”

He shows up, nursing from a bottle of ketchup, *thought it was papyrus

“No no no no! See, you called me bro, so I'm officially adopted now. You can't undo the verbal contract! I'm officially your-” I sat and thought. “Wait, I'm probably older than Papyrus, but am I older than you?”

He frowns, sweating a little. *no, you are NOT my sibling, adopted or otherwise.

“Ohhh going to caps are we?” He groans as I grin and manage to grab his forearm bones before he can shortcut out of this conversation. “That means I TOTALLY am! I can't wait to tell Papyrus~”

*don't you dare. by the way...

He was sweating fully now. I made a face and shook it off, “Blech, relax man I was just kidding.”

*did you put something in this? my mouth's burning.

“Oh yeah! I slipped like 3 teaspoons of cayenne pepper in one of your bottles of ketchup and randomized it so that even I didn't know when you were going to find it,” I'm smirking now. “Revenge for the Greek fire.”

He winked, though it looked almost like a grimace, *that's fine, I just won't stick around during the next study.

“WHAT! HEY!!! No fair, I don't hold like actual grudges for your pranks! And you inverted my laptop screen before giving it back too! I demand equity!!” I complained immediately. “This isn't just because you don't feel like it, is it?”

Sans doesn't respond immediately. He's too busy chugging milk. Damn, I wish Papyrus was home for this, he'd be so proud of this jape. With a gasp (I mean he's a skeleton so you'd think oxygen wouldn't be a thing for these guys?) he finally says *i wouldn't say it's not a factor.

He grabs an untampered bottle of ketchup and disappears with the rest of the milk. So that's... a thing. Huh. Guess I'll have to get someone to sub for him, although now I'm really curious to know if magic doesn't compensate for capsaicin... 

~

“Alphys, bae! I need help! I pulled a prank on Sans aaand I might've gone too far. By the way, do you know that it actually helps to have saliva and stuff like that to force capsaicin down? Personally I thought he wouldn't even be affected seeing that some animals don't even register the stuff... oh right, IN ANY CASE he's bailed so I need a study buddy pronto!”

“U-uhm, I'm k-k-k-kinda busy right now, b-but I can p-p-probably find a s-s-suitable replacement!” Alphys stutters and I cock my head in mild confusion.

“What is that in the background?”

“N-N-NOTH-” And then dead air. Hm.

~

“So... when you were saying nothing, and suitable replacement...” I begin, eyeing the situation that unfolded in front of me dubiously, “You meant that you finally fixed Sans's multiverse hopping machine?”

“Y-yes so I've been having t-trouble trying to keep everyone o-occupied at once, and since y-you need someone to help you with s-studying, w-why not just a different Sans?” Alphys suggested.

Underfell Sans looks... every bit as uncertain with the situation as I am. Except he's hiding it through a nervous leer. Fortunately, I already know not to take offense. Unfortunately that doesn't stop me from being as nervous as he is about collaborating.

*you scared off my double huh?

“Let's just say he couldn't take the heat?” I use a pun hesitantly, not knowing if he'd get it or not, but I shake the bottle of ketchup to emphasize the point.

*it's not poisoned is it?

He looks at me suspiciously and I throw up my hands, “What universe do you think you're even in dude? The most offensive thing I've ever done is ignore a person. And maybe cuss a lot. But most of that is cheerful cussing, it's not like there's any offense actually intended-”

He takes the bottle of ketchup and upends it. *ugh, it's too sweet... other than that, I don't see the big deal.

“So Undertale Sans has no heat tolerance!” I clap my hands delightedly while Alphys suddenly looks nervous leaving us two in the same room. I grin delightedly at the thought of deliberately spiking all the food I cook, “Excellent!” Likely against her better judgment, Alphys leaves us anyway, being called aside by the sounds of another Sans calling. She must be really desperate, trying to keep the menagerie of skeletons entertained.

*so we're studying, right? Wake me up when it's over.

“Nooo you're staying awake!” I demanded and threw him over my shoulder. As I thought, being a skeleton, he doesn't way much at all. Kids were heavier. “We gotta study drugs and all.”

*normally this is the part where I say 'try to stop me sweetheart' but, drugs? You don't mean the fun kind by chance?

“We're not taking them, Uff,” I tell him sternly.

*uff? who the hell is uff?

“Gotta call you something different than Sans, if it makes you feel better now that you're here in the timeline with other Sanses now I have to think of a name for Sans,” I boot up the laptop. “Anyways, it is the illegal kind, yeah. We nee to study their addictive nature, as well as other drugs with somewhat different properties such as alcohol.”

*if we're going to talk about alcohol...

“There's a beer in the fridge, don't drink all of them, or I will kick you back to your universe. You are light, and I've lived with your double for way too long for your shenanigans,” I stretch and get comfortable. “So if we're going to understand addiction, we need to understand what it is they're doing in the human body. And that is the brain's reward system! Drugs are chemicals that trigger some part of our natural reward system that's meant to encourage certain behaviors.”

*i know beer always helps me relax, but then, i always get a little less on edge after eating too.

UF sits next to me, practically guzzling the one beer. I roll my eyes at the pace he's already setting. This doesn't seem like it'll last long, “Well, yeah. That's part of like people's reward system. If you're hungry, then the specific part of the brain called the limbic system which is located somewhere midbrain, will activate and communicate that it was a good thing that you did when you ate. This doesn't just apply to food or drugs, but also social behavior and most things you could think of as 'good'.”

*video games?

“The limbic system supports that,” I affirmed.

*stealing? killing?

“. . . maybe?? Uff, we're not a criminal universe! Cool it with the questionable life decisions, geez!” I scold him, but he doesn't seem to take me seriously at all. If anything, he seems more amused! I do my best to ignore him and continue, “The thing is with people, is that it doesn't take much to get an upvote on activity. If your limbic system releases dopamine in response to a stimulus, then that's what makes you feel good. Loosely speaking anyway, but this is broad strokes.”

UF sets down the empty bottle on the sill next to the bed carelessly, almost tipping it over in the process. *so what does dopamine do?

“It's a neurotransmitter, which you could probably guess by the fact that the brain's producing it, which is meant to regulate movement, pleasure, motivation, and emotion in general.” I tap the laptop contemplatively. “A lot of drugs work by stimulating the production of dopamine, creating a sense of euphoria. Such an extreme effect is what leads to addictive behavior, but naturally more to it. For instance, your body may adapt to a certain dose of the drug and so taking it won't produce the same high anymore. That's when higher doses start becoming necessary to produce the same high, and because that established dose is expected to flood the body at particular intervals, failure to receive that dose produces withdrawal.”

*haha, you humans really suck huh? no wonder you're so miserable after a good party.

“Well, that's hangover, not withdrawal. It's from drinking too much alcohol to begin with and can also be accompanied by a drop in blood sugar. Withdrawal on the other hand, is from the absence of the dopamine response that the body was accustomed to receiving,” I corrected then realized he said humans. “Wait, did y'all manage to get Above Ground and party with humans?”

He gives me a look, *obviously. all the alternate universes have at this point in time. otherwise they're experiencing resets from about a year-

“NO NO NO I am not dealing with your physics shenanigans,” I shake my hands in front of me in a surrender gesture. “I am not prepared for timeline related headaches today!”

*tch. typical biology nerd.

I stick my tongue out at him, “Typical physics nerd.”

We sulk at each other for a few moments, before the door to the apartment busts down unceremoniously. I look over and then at UF with raised eyebrows, “Is that who I think it is?”

He shrugs, *probably. this universe's alphys isn't a great babysitter.

“To be fair, I'm pretty sure her experience with the amalgamates didn't include 'shortcuts' or violent alternate universes...” I hop off the bunk bed to go yell at the latest addition. “OY!!! WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A STUDY SESSION!!”

“A WHA-? NO!!! WE'VE GOT THINGS TO DO IN OUR UNIVERSE,” UF's Papyrus stormed in and came face to face with me. “I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR NERD STUFF!”

I stare him down, as he does the same. He gets just close enough that I quickly and silently reach behind his head. He grabs my hand suddenly, but- ha! Got 'em! I managed to pinch right between the cervical vertebrae where I can maintain a good grip on him while controlling where he goes. “We're finishing the session 'Yrus, then you can do whatever it is you crazy skellies do.”

“HEY HEY!!! OW!!!” 'Yrus complains. “WHO THE HELL IS 'YRUS?!”

*that's probably you boss.

I set him over to the bunk where Sans remains lounging with another beer. I growl, “I repeat, leave at least a couple of those for me. Mooch.”

*then start drinking.

“No,” I tell him tersely. “Now I gotta make sure BOTH of you don't get into trouble! In any case, we've passed the broad strokes on addiction, so let's being up a couple of specific examples. The active psychoactive drug in marijuana for instance is commonly referred to as THC or tetrahydrocannabinol, which you can remember the full name more easily by knowing that 'tetra-' is four, '-hydro-' which is part of the chemical configuration, and -cannabinol is the chemical category. What'll help is understanding that cannabinoids function by using the specific receptors in the brain known oh so creatively as 'cannabinoid receptors'.”

“WAIT ISN'T THAT THE STUFF THAT MAKES YOU REALLY LAZY?” 'Yrus narrows his eyesockets. “I THINK I CAUGHT DOGGO ON THAT STUFF ONCE.”

“Well, yeah. It affects memory, and concentration, but it can also be used in a medical context for nerve pain, and nausea. Lots of people use it to relax, and as a way to stimulate appetite which is useful for people who suffer from anorexia,” I shrug, “It may not be all wonderful however, as there may be evidence that suggests that heavy use in teens result in a change in IQ? I feel responsible to point out however, that this source did not cite the research directly in the page and even though it is a .gov source the U.S.A. has been waging a “war on drugs” for a long time. That means the website I refer to for this may be a form of propaganda and exaggerate the negative effects of drug use without balancing that information with facts that may place marijuana use in a positive light.”

Sans snorts at me, *using disclaimers as a cop out?

I frown at him, “Do you have any idea how many years I've had random groups of people go to my schools to patronize me and insult my intelligence? I won't make the same mistake with my readers.”

*so it's personal, huh?

“As much as I'd like to feign impartiality, it'd be best for me to come clean and mention that I see the medical uses of marijuana too important to ignore,” I push my hair back uncomfortably. “I find reducing people's suffering more important when I weigh the perceived negative effects against the positive ones. However, drugs like cocaine, LSD, and heroin seem to have much more harmful effects than marijuana so I do feel differently about them.”

“YOU'D NEVER FIND ANYONE USING HEROIN IN OUR UNIVERSE. WEED IS ONE THING, BUT HEROIN WOULD GET YOU KILLED FOR SURE,” 'Yrus interjected. “COCAINE ON THE OTHER HAND... WELL...” He shivered. Considering the violence of their universe, I can only imagine that cocaine would make monsters even more dangerous.

“Where did you even find that stuff..?” I said. “There's no coco plants or poppy plants Underground... right?”

UF shrugs. *you humans throw away a lot of things.

Well that's... disturbing to say the least. I try not to think too much about it, and say “We'll be focusing on cocaine as an example of drug use that goes downhill quickly. Whereas alcohol acts as a depressant, cocaine acts as a stimulant. Marijuana on the other hand, seems to be a mix of the three classes of drugs which includes a potential hallucinogen.”

“As mentioned before, these drugs act on the limbic system and often activates the reward pathway by hyper-stimulating the production of dopamine. Addiction results when actions that results in the natural production of dopamine doesn't produce the same feeling of being rewarded, especially in contrast to the high that a drug like cocaine gives yo-”

My Spidey-senses tingle just as UF finishes that second beer, and I duck as he carelessly lunges to try and drop the bottle next to the first on the window sill. “HEY WATCH OUT!!! Have you even eaten today?”

*pft nawww ya tall drink of... phhhhhh person you.

I and 'Yrus grimace simultaneously. 'Yrus screeches, “SANNNNNSSS YOU SONUVA-” I slap a hand over his face.

“Don't complete that, if I think I'm friggin' bad with my cursing, I don't want to find out what you guys are like,” I sigh, “C'mon you two, time to get you guys fed.”

To a my mild amusement, they actually follow along, with UF slouching over the kitchen table muttering incomprehensibly and 'Yrus watching my movements like a hawk. Not too different from having the Undertale brothers around, actually. Just a littttle more edgy. Fortunately, there was still some eggplant even though there weren't any noodles left, so I begin preparing eggplant pizza. 

“THAT LOOKS WEIRD,” 'Yrus informs me with the tact of a 4 year old. 

“It's fine, you'll be fine,” I say to him as if I was talking to one of my dogs, and he huffs in irritation.

“SO WHY DOES COCAINE ACT THE WAY IT DOES? AND WHY DO PEOPLE SUFFER SO MUCH IF THEY QUIT TOO QUICKLY?” He finally asks. I give him an appraising look, since I didn't expect him to be the curious one of the two. He flushes in embarrassment, “I NEED TO UNDERSTAND HOW BEST TO DEAL WITH ADDICTS IN MY LINE OF WORK.”

“What do you do? You are living on the surface, yeah?”

“THE ONLY JOBS AVAILABLE TO SOMEONE OF MY CREDENTIALS IS GUARD WORK. I SERVE IN A CORRECTIONAL FACILITY,” he tells me, however his tone tells me there isn't much more room for my curiosity.

“Cocaine specifically acts on binding sites not only in the limbic system, but the ventral tegmenta area or VTA, the nucleus accumbens, and the caudate nucleus. These are all structures about midbrain that have dopamine receptors. The physiological effects of this is that blood vessels constrict, the pupils dilate, and blood pressure, body temperature, and heart rate all increase. All of this are characteristics of cocaine as a stimulant. But the reasons why users can't just go off of their drug of choice immediately has to do with the body relying on the presence of drug.” The oven rings to show that it's time to throw the slices of eggplant in, and I check on UF to make sure he's okay. It appears he fell asleep, and whereas I don't think two beers is enough to get him 'puking' drunk, I make a point to keep an eye on him anyways.

“Anyways, without the usual dose of dopamine being produced, users won't be able to feel normal. The obvious assumption is that they'll experience depression and exhaustion, but it goes a little beyond that and withdrawal symptoms will vary depending on the drug. In the case of cocaine, you can expect irritability, restlessness, insomnia, and intense cravings for the drug. Withdrawal can also be very dangerous though, because the body has to maintain homeostasis or a very specific set of conditions which the body needs for all of the individual parts to function. That's why users should wean themselves off a drug slowly, and not all at once.” 

“ALL RIGHT, AND WHAT ABOUT ALCOHOL? YOU TALK ABOUT DRUG USE AND ADDICTION, BUT ALCOHOL IS PERFECTLY LEGAL,” If 'Yrus had a nose to crinkle up with distaste, I'm sure he'd do it. 

“Alcohol is... well, I think just about most people have a sticky history with alcohol. The U.S. very briefly banned alcohol during the 1920's but that just made people crave it more, and sometimes drinking was dangerous since suppliers would cut their booze with chemicals like formaldehyde. Plus, people attempted to drink methyl alcohol which you make from wood, not grain. Its an entirely different chemical, and people went blind from drinking it,” I pour sauce and cheese over the slices of eggplant and activate the broiler.

“Alcoholism highlights alcohol best as a drug and not simply a drink. Like most drugs, the effects are complicated and effects multiple organs. Alcohol abuse will apparently decrease the frontal lobe of the brain where decision making is thought to occur. Damage can also be found in the liver, obviously, the pancreas, the heart, the immune system, and is associated with an increase of cancer in the mouth, throat, and esophagus.”

I take out the eggplant pizza and distribute the slices on plates, while 'Yrus squints at me suspiciously. “I know that look from your doppleganger 'Yrus. What's up? Also, wake your brother up.”

“YOU DRINK. WHY SHOULD I TRUST YOU IF YOU'RE VOLUNTARILY IMBIBING?”

“All a matter of moderation, right Uff?” I address the slowly stirring, but still rather drunk UF. Automatically he starts chewing on the food in front of him without any utensils. “Anything is toxic if you get too much of it. Warfarin as medicine used as a blood thinner, but you'll also find that it is used in rat poison. Cancer treatments inhibit cell growth which is why hair falls out, and generally why people being treated for cancer feel so bad. You can even hurt yourself drinking too much water, since cells will lyse from the pressure of so much fluid entering the cell.”

“I won't say it's the smartest thing in the world for me to drink, but as long as I toe the line, there's probably worse things I can be doing with my life,” 

UF mutters from where he's at *why's this veg'able herr..?

“Because I need to go grocery shopping, now listen to your adoptive sister and eat,” I ordered, adding the sister thing on a whim and 'Yrus gives me a disbelieving and disdainful look.

“THEY ADOPTED YOU?!”

UF takes it into stride and resumes chewing mindlessly, *'sokay then sis...

Must. Repress. Internal. Victory Scream. I have to not smirk as well, “In a roundabout way, yes. By the way, I'm older than you, so that's big sis to you 'Yrus.”

“NO WAY,” 'Yrus denies immediately. However, they finish eating and I send UF to bed lying on his side with water and a vitamin, just in case. Somewhat unexpectedly in mid-game 'Yrus finally says grudgingly,

“I'LL JUST SAY SISTER.”

Alphys picked them up a few hours later, and I can hear the brothers from the alternate universes talking. She looks like she might've gotten some rest in the time I'd been looking after the Fell brothers.

“D-did everything g-go okay?” she wrung her hand nervously seeing the hole punched in the wall from Fell throwing a tantrum over a lost game. I hum reluctantly.

“Call it 30:70, at least I got it done? Even though Uff over there got drunk and 'Yrus threw a hissy fit,” I shrugged. 

“HEY SIS, WHEN CAN I VISIT?! I WANNA HELP WITH THE NEXT STUDY SESSION!!!” A hyperactive version of Sans, presumably the Underswap universe, bounces up to me, and clasps my hands excitedly.

“Heh, soon I hope!” I grin happily at him. I didn't know I needed this kind of cuteness in my life?! But even better, he called me sis!

Undertale Sans is not going to be happy to hear this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, my apologies for taking so long! Drugs honestly isn't my thing, but as I said 'in-story', it's mostly because like everyone else, I have opinions on the matter and I feel like I can't be a very impartial source even if I tried. So my compromise is to let you know how I feel about it, so you know where my bias is skewed towards. Feel free to ask questions, and now that the other AU's are in play, things might get preeettty interesting around here. Thanks for reading!
> 
> https://talbottcampus.com/index.php/resources/disease-info/alcoholism-affects-body/  
> americanaddictioncenters.org/withdrawal-timelines-treatments/  
> https://talbottcampus.com/index.php/resources/disease-info/opioids-depressants-stimulants-whats-the-difference/  
> https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/drugs-brains-behavior-science-addiction/drugs-brain  
> https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/research-reports/cocaine/what-are-short-term-effects-cocaine-use  
> https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/teaching-packets/neurobiology-drug-addiction/section-iv-action-cocaine/4-dopamine-binding-to-receptors-uptake-pu  
> https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/drugs-brains-behavior-science-addiction/drugs-brain  
> https://teens.drugabuse.gov/teachers/mind-over-matter/marijuana  
> www.hangover.org/2013/06/whats-the-difference-between-a-hangover-and-alcohol-withdrawal/


	5. Sansy Studies Anabolic Steroids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now there's 3x the skellies to ditch the Studies!

Sans frowned at his hyperactive double, running around in one of my aprons and cooking tacos. I'd been performing damage control with him, and automatically turning down the stove top heat or scraping out excessive amounts of seasoning before returning the pan back to the heat. I'd almost never used aprons even when I was first learning to cook, but with three different people whose cooking skills could be best described as 'detrimental to life', I dug up as many I'd collected as possible. It was easy to see that Sans did not like to see 'himself' in the frilly pink gingham print at all. Especially as I've tried and failed to keep my smirk to myself multiple times.

 

*so, remind me again... why and how are there so many copies of 'me' and papyrus hanging around now?

 

“Do I look like a multiverse expert?” I give Sans the original a 'look', my eyes narrowing as I tilt my head oh so briefly in his direction. “All I really know is that Alphys was tinkering with that broken machine you left at her apartment mid-move in, and that when I tried to call her in to do the study session, she sent me your edgy-ass twin from the Underfell universe. So his name's now Uff until I can figure out a better naming system for y'all.”

 

*that wasn't even the machine's original function...

 

Since the kitchen and living room was one open space, Sans flopped on the couch next to Papyrus from the Underswap universe, glancing at him in his worn hoodie with a subtle furrow of his eyes before retreating back inside his own head. Underswap Papyrus had quickly been dubbed Pappy, he and his brother getting the cutesy pet names all to themselves. Unlike the others, it didn't seem to bother them so much and I wasn't feeling particularly creative on the day we all started hanging out. It didn't take Sans long to stand back up and shortcut without another word. I turn to Pappy to comment, only to find out he's taken a shortcut out of the room as well.

 

“DID MY LAZY BROTHER STEP OUT BEFORE I FINISHED MAKING THE TACOS?” Sansy stepped out of the kitchen area wearing the pink apron still.

 

“Yep. I've been ditched like Jerry.” I joked, with an overwrought sigh. He cocked his head at me, and I remembered that everything in his universe was just different enough that the joke was lost on him. “Er... never mind.”

 

“OH, OKAY! BY THE WAY, THE UNDYNE HERE GOT SICK AND THE DOCTOR PRESCRIBED HER STEROIDS. SHE FREAKED OUT WHEN SHE FOUND OUT WHAT THEY WERE, BUT ALPHYS SAID IT WAS FINE 'CUZ THEY WEREN'T THE SAME KIND???” Sansy trailed off just enough to prompt me to finish for him-

 

“So you wanted to know what the difference was?” We started dishing up the food, and me pouring out a large glass of water. I couldn't save the food from being over-salted by what appeared to be a quarter of the salt shaker and needed to avoid dehydration.

 

He nodded rapidly, “YEAH! I THOUGHT STEROIDS WERE A CHEAT FOR BUILDING STRENGTH AND MUSCLE MASS?!”

 

“That's anabolic steroids specifically. The ones that Undyne's taking are corticosteroids. They're both synthetic drugs based off of the natural hormones in the human body” I explain. “Corticosteroids prescribed are meant to decrease inflammation or tissue swelling, particularly if your immune system is acting up, such as in the case of allergies. In fact, a lot of our readers might have taken a regiment of corticosteroids at some point if their asthma was kicking in hard during an allergy season. They're also commonly used for inflammation associated with muscular disease, and Irritable Bowel Syndrome aka IBS.”

 

“IBS? WHAT'S THAT?” Sansy asked, reminding me that I haven't introduced basic human functions and dysfunctions to the other universes yet. Normally, I wouldn't care and just launch straight into it, but my stomach was questioning my life decisions eating a taco made special by Sansy and then drinking close to a liter of water right after.

 

“I'll answer that another time, you're still eating.” I pointed out. Phew! Avoidance through consideration: social points +2!!

 

“OH IS IT SUPER GROSS? NO THANK YOU, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!” Sansy made a face. “SO WHAT ABOUT ANABOLIC STEROIDS?”

 

“Well, it's good timing you're talking about that since the Summer Olympics was going.” I work on getting my dishes washed out, discreetly scraping out the over-salted taco meat to a nondescript corner of the trashbin. “Sports events like this usually has some scandal or another related to anabolic drug use. Like you've pointed out, a lot of people see it as cheating. My bioethics class addressed the topic through Lance Armstrong and Tour de France at some point as well. Apparently a lot of top competitors see it as a necessary boost to just keep up with each other, and it's been in the culture for a long time.”

 

I settle back down with my laptop to pull up the a couple of different pages and then showed him. “See? Doping in sports culture goes as far as Ancient Greece, but sanctions against steroid use really began taking place in the 1960's. That's partly in response to the first couple of athletes to have died with their cause of death attributed to doping specifically. The other reason why steroid use got banned is that around that time we've been able to test for it. No good banning something that you can't prove happened. Regardless...”

 

“It seems that hasn't really dissuaded athletes from doing drugs. In fact, since technology and drug testing has improved, there's been this growing awareness of the amount of drug use rampant in sports and competition, with track and cycling events such as Tour de France being some of the best publicized scandals. The NBA has also had its fair share of trouble with athletes bulking up with drugs on the sly.”

 

“BUT..! BUT THAT'S DANGEROUS! AND IF NO ONE DID IT, THEN THEY'D ALL BE ON EQUAL GROUND AGAIN!” Sansy refuted with a scowl. I just shrug. This was a can of worms I'm not keen on opening, especially given my interest in sports is low to moderate.

 

“In any case, the mechanism of anabolic steroids has a similar action to do with natural hormones such as testosterone. Testosterone is involved in triggering sex differentiating characteristics like body hair and the development of the genitals, but it also increases muscle mass,the production of bone cells, and blood cells.” I easily babbled along. “You call a hormone involved with sexual differentiation an androgen. One of the better discussed problems with anabolic steroids, is that so far it's been impossible to completely eliminate those androgenic effects. It's too deeply tied with the way the drug acts in the body.”

 

“HEY, IS THIS GOING TO GO INTO YOUR STUDIES SERIES?” Sansy asks suddenly.

 

“Well, I was originally planning on talking about this from the last chapter but it got kinda long... and then Uff passed out in my bed. Plus 'Yrus punched a hole in the wall, so we kinda had to fix that as well.” I shake my head. “In any case! What I really mean, is why not?”

 

A sudden deep intake of air warned me to the incoming volume he was about to speak. “YESSS!! MWEH HEH HEH!! CAN I TALK TO THE AUDIENCE TOO?!”

 

“Maybe in the notes? I tend to place those after the chapter.” I suggested, flinching still. Ow. RIP headphone users. Wait, that's me today. Dammit! “Try not to give me tinnitus?”

 

“OKIE DOKIE!!!” he offered me a happy thumbs up. “IN THAT CASE SIS, LET'S KEEP GOING!”

 

“I absolutely love that I don't have to bully you into sticking around.” I hug Sansy affectionately. “Never go!”

 

I set up a couple of mugs of tea, and settle down when Papyrus- the one that actually lives here- comes in. “Hey, where have you been? Between you and Sans, I've hardly been japed lately. It's almost boring around here.”

 

“OH, NILLA! I MET A REALLY NICE HUMAN! THEY DRAW LOTS AND EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE IN SCIENCE, THEY DON'T GO NERD RAMBLES AND POST THEM ONLINE TO TRICK UNSUSPECTING VICTIMS INTO READING IT.” Papyrus gives me a mock glare, one that looks like he might've picked up from me. “AND HELLO THE MARVELOUS SANS!”

 

“HIYA, GREAT PAPYRUS!” Sansy waves. Only those two could endure the regular usage of the others titles in conversation, I swear.

 

“You wound me, good sir! I'll have you know my audience endures my nerding voluntarily. It's just you guys that have the pleasure of enduring my nerdlet company.” I place a hand to my chest to punctuate my words. “Besides, you just walked in on a nerd ramble. Wanna join?”

 

“NYEH HEH HEH!... NO.” He takes a spinning dive for the window, which fortunately had been left opened.

 

“Welp, guess it's just you and me after all. Where were we?” I look through the sources, trying to regain my train of thought.

 

“THE ACTION OF ANABOLIC STEROIDS.” Sansy offered helpfully.

 

“Oh!” Suddenly our place in the webpage makes a lot more sense. “Right, thanks. So, anabolic steroids act on the same receptors in the human body that registers hormones such as testosterone. Because of this, it has been impossible so far to produce a drug that won't have side effects associated with sexual differentiation. These hormone receptors are found in cells, and work by signaling to the genes in the DNA of that cell to transcribe proteins. Additionally, they also signal to the enzyme systems in that cell to begin inhibiting the destruction of proteins.”

 

“That effect is called anti-catabolism. 'Anti' has the well known meaning of 'against', but folks tend to have trouble remembering the meaning of 'catabolism'. Catabolism simply refers to the process of breaking down a more complex product into its components and often releasing energy in a chemical system.”

 

I pull out some highlighters and a pen to doodle it out. “Doodly doodle doo... here!”

 

 

“You can think of it like CAT-abolism!” I chuckle as Sansy gives a dutiful groan. “Cats just don't give a shit if you love stuff like your laptop, or decorative figurines, or whatever and loves to break it, right? So cats are practicing catabolism! Easy enough to remember, right?”

 

“On a related note, the opposite process of catabolism is anabolism. Anabolism refers to the production of a more complex product from simpler compounds, often at an energetic cost. Does that sound familiar? It sounds like 'anabolic steroids', and that's no accident.”

 

 

With a few more scribbles, I show Sansy the latest drawing. “On the other hand, ants have their shit together, always collecting stuff and storing energy away for later, right? Anabolism is the same way, so you can try to remember it as 'ant-abolism'!”

 

“Both processes are important to most processes of metabolism, and when a metabolic pathway uses both, that is referred to as 'amphibolism'. 'Amphi-' then, is a root word meaning both! For instance, amphibians live on both water and land! So, that may help you remember the meaning of that particular word.”

 

 

“SO THEN ANTI-CATABOLISM MEANS TO PREVENT THINGS FROM BREAKING DOWN?” Sansy asks. I give him a thumbs up, unable to respond as I start gulping the coconut green tea.

 

“Yep! Part of athletes bulking up is that anabolic steroids supposedly keeps them from breaking down proteins once the cells produces them. Since anabolic steroids behave this way, there are other side effects that should be noted, some of which are a little unexpected.”

 

“The effect of anabolic steroids only really works when the cell's receptors are open, and so intense training exaggerates the effects of anabolic steroids. Otherwise, you really wouldn't see a difference.

 

“In the drug chapter, I talked about how drug use can often lead to the human body acclimating to elevated levels of that drug. In the context of that chapter, we discussed drug withdrawal, and some of the symptoms of withdrawal and addiction. The body behaves similarly here, but instead of craving a drug that overexcites the award center in the brain, the body doesn't receive as strong of a signal from the receptors to produce testosterone. So all that muscle mass produced when using the drug drops.”

 

“MWEH HEH HEH! SERVES THEM RIGHT!” Sansy laughed.

 

I warn him, “It doesn't exactly stop there. One of the reasons behind that muscular mass being lost is that the body is adjusted to a higher amount of testosterone produced, and tries to combat that by producing a chemical called 'cortisol'. Once someone stops using anabolic steroids, the amount of cortisol being produced in their system is suddenly being registered at an abnormal rate since the two chemicals aren't competing for those receptors on an even playing field. With way more cortisol than anabolic steroids present, the resulting cortisol signal influx contributes to symptoms of addiction despite this isn't a drug taken for pleasure, persay. Additionally, cortisol also represses the immune system. So people who are coming off anabolic steroids are more likely to get sick.”

 

“OH. SO PEOPLE WHO START TAKING STEROIDS SUFFER MORE WHEN THEY STOP USING THEM?” Sansy murmured thoughtfully. He looks like he feels a little bad about laughing now.

 

“Nothing with drugs and biology is as simple as someone getting their just desserts. Those drugs are dangerous for a reason, and can have a serious impact on a person's mental health.” I drain the cup of tea just as Sans Original pops into existence right next to me, causing me to choke and sputter. “Jesus Christ on a pogo stick, enter through a door like everyone else next time!”

 

*and where's the fun in that?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MWEH HEH HEH HELLO EVERYONE! THIS IS THE MARVELOUS SANS SPEAKING! BE SURE TO ASK ANY NERDY SCIENCE QUESTIONS SO THAT NILLA CAN KEEP ANSWERING AND MAYBE I'LL MAKE ANOTHER APPEARANCE!  
> HERE'S OUR SOURCES SO THAT YOU CAN FOLLOW ALONG WITH THE MATERIAL- OR NOT?!
> 
> http://www.sportsci.org/encyc/anabster/anabster.html
> 
> http://sportsanddrugs.procon.org/view.timeline.php?timelineID=000017
> 
> http://patient.info/health/oral-steroids

**Author's Note:**

> Looks like Sans fell asleep. I guess I'll end the Study here. My classes include entomology and bioethics at the moment, but I've also taken food science and genetics before. I'm going to keep doing my thing and use this to help me focus, BUT feel free to steer the subject somewhere more into your interest. Have a question you don't want to ask your teacher? Try submitting to Sans and I. We'll do our best to research the question and answer it in an accurate and timely manner. In case you're wondering, I may add a “plot” later to keep this interesting and fun, and not just physically painful to read as I stumble along in my studies. However, this will have no non-canon pairings since I'm inserting my “self” as a character.  
> ~I can't seem to figure out how people add pictures to AO3 so for the moment, if you'd like to see my sketch of the processes mentioned, please refer to my tumblr page, and thank you in advance for your support!  
> http://agraulisvanillae.tumblr.com/


End file.
